


But the World Looks Better Through Your Eyes

by Colordrained



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, Cutting, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FUCK, Kissing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sad, Sadness, Self Harm, Short, Snogging, anxiety attack, short fic, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-16 20:47:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colordrained/pseuds/Colordrained
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is Louis's only way to sanity, sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Or Louis has a tendency to have anxiety attacks and he really needs Harry to save him from himself</p>
            </blockquote>





	But the World Looks Better Through Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> So I literally wrote this In a day, I not read it once over so there's probably a lot of errors. It's short, but I wanted to write this concept really bad. Hope it's okay??? Haha think you if you read this.
> 
>  
> 
> Title is from Ed Sheeran: Firefly it's awesome to listen to it okay
> 
>  
> 
> *******MENTIONS OF SELF HARM/ ACTUAL ALMOST SLEF HARM******

The first time Louis remembers having a full-on anxiety attack; one that made his lungs seize up and his brain panic, was in junior year, after he had sort of came out and some kid in the hallway called him a fag. He hadn't really expected people would actually go out of their way to make fun of him, yet, they did. And he couldn't handle the extra attention, the non-normality of his true self, resulting in one decent sized cut on his left wrist. He never found the strength to cut after that; too scared. But he had then. And it sure as hell helped with the anxiety attack.

The next one was, comically, right before what would become the most important choice of his life. His _X-Factor_ audition. And he actually had thought he might not be be okay during that one. And he wished he had a razor more than anything else in the world, until he went into the bathroom to try and calm himself down and his life sort of changed forever.

In the little tile-floored bathroom he met a kid called Harry, who turns out to be rather significant in Louis's life. Louis just doesn't realize it then. All Louis knows is talking to Harry for the 10 minutes there stopped his anxiety enough for him to audition. He can't thank Harry enough for that.

The next one is the night before their first results night, where he curls up in his bunk and Harry can hear the too-short breaths when Louis starts hyperventilating. Harry comes over and just kisses him, doesn't stop until Louis is weaving his hands through curly hair and kissing back. Then he pulls away for just a second, to first ask Louis "are you okay?" and then once Louis nods, "is this okay?" to which Louis pulls Harry back in for more kisses.

You could call that the start of their relationship, but Louis honestly thinks it started back in the bathroom that day. Either way, Louis becomes more familiar with Harry and his tendencies and values and opinions than his own. And he hasn't ever doubted that they were soul mates, it was sort of just obvious.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry's honestly been looking forward to this for a while. The band- this one's just great. He loves them. Just a small little venue in a pub in downtown London, just big enough for Harry to blend in. He doesn't want any business with paps or fans tonight, he wants to sit back with a drink and his fedora and listen to this little indie band. 

Louis honestly was expecting tonight to go fine. He doesn't _like_ being at home without Harry, obviously, but it's okay. He just really isn't expecting what happens when he picks up the phone to an unfamiliar voice.

"Yes, Louis?"

Louis stammers a bit, "Um- yeah. I- sorry, who is this?"

"I'm a new agent for Modest! and I need to talk to you for a bit. Right, so- we need to change a few things around here. There's becoming a bit of a nonchalant attitude toward all this, and-"

"Sorry- _who_ are you? Like- what's you're name?"

"I'm- just. Don't worry about it. Right, as I was saying-"

Louis tries to listen, honestly. But it's sort of hard when it's 11 at night and Harry's gone and the words this man is saying makes his chest tighten up a bit more by the second

"- so as I just said, we've started trying to blend in to common social medias, staging as fans and trying to figure out about how they see this whole relationship between you an Harry. And they're much more observant, you see, than we realized. So you can't have those discreet touches, and looks anymore. They're being seen. And we know Harry won't ever lie, so we need you to be a bit more convincing and straightforward in your denials, please. And-"

"Jesus fuck, stop. I get it. Okay?" Louis huffs out, and the agent is silent for a minute. 

"Louis. This is for you, Harry, and the other boy's own good. This is not just for fun. You know that. We-"

"Oh, go fuck yourself. I get it man, just shut up. Me and Harry can't be obvious. Okay, thanks." 

And Louis hangs up, not realizing how bad his hands are shaking. And then he feels the familiar panic, the swell in his chest and his throat tightening. And all the sudden a thousand thoughts are swarming in his head and he _can't_ , he can't he can't he can't. 

He picks the phone up about as quick as he set it down, and dials the only number he knows by heart anymore. 

Harry sees the number and is immediately worried, mostly because Louis knows where he was going and knows he probably won't answer the phone. But it's chance, totally luck that Harry was pulling out his phone to take a picture just as Louis calls.

Louis's voice is not very... Louis-y. It's frightened and tense and Harry knows the issue as soon as he speaks,

"Harry- Harry, I. Sorry- I'm so sorry I interrupted. I- fuck, sorry. Nevermind. No- wait. Wait, sorry- I just. I'm. Harry, help me, god, please. I don't know-"

"Shh. Louis. _Lou, listen_. Breathe." He stands up, walks towards the door of the pub.

He hears Louis take a shaky breath in, then out. 

"Okay. Listen. I'll be there in 10 minutes. You think you can wait? Don't cut, okay?"

"Yeah- I. Please."

"Okay, Lou. Is- does my voice help?" Harry is starting the car, rushing because he knows if he doesn't Louis will flip.

"Yeah, Haz. It's. yeah. Hey- just focus on- on driving."

"Okay Lou, I'm gonna go. No cutting."

Louis nods, even though Harry can't see, and hangs up.

And everything gets worse when he hangs up. His stomach feels like there's a bunch of little caterpillars inside squirming all around, and his vision fucks up, and god- what is even happening. He can't stand this. This hiding. He just- why is it like this? If fate led them to each other why isn't fate letting them actually act like they're together?

The word 'why' starts overwhelming Louis's brain. 

Before he realizes what he's doing, he's stumbling through rooms, tripping over clothes and furniture, going and getting a little blade with shaky hands, crawling up in the corner saying Harry's name repeatedly, like a plea, like 'please Harry, just be here' but it isn't making Harry appear. 

The tears run out uncontrollably, and he tries with everything he's got to keep the blade away from his skin when-

The door unlatches.

Green eyes. Curly hair. Wide smile. Dimples. Comfort. Vanilla Scent. Checkered shirt. Fedora. Tattoos- they're for Louis. Big hands and warm skin and god, Harry's there.

Harry pulls the blade away, throws it across the room and pulls Louis in his arms, holds him like a newborn kitten. 

"Shh. Shh. Hush, Lou, I'm here. I'm- I won't let you go. Shh. You're okay now."

And Louis starts breathing, Harry's big thumb sweeps some tears away. 

"Breathe." Harry says softly and Louis does, closes his eyes, and lets Harry overtake his instincts.

"Good, Lou. Can I kiss you now?" 

Louis nods quickly, Harry kisses him soft. Normally he's rough- but. Louis needs some calm.

Louis melts, lets Harry kiss him for a while until his stomach is normal and his throat is open again and he's okay- like Harry always makes him. 

Louis looks up at him with tear-shocked blue eyes, Harry holds him close.

"Thank you so, so much Haz. I'm sorry I- I know you were excited about that band-"

"No, no. I can go see a band anytime, Lou. You're- you're so much more important. Okay?"

Louis nods, nuzzles his head into Harry's chest, "god I love you. Thank you." 

Harry picks him up, carries him to their bedroom. He snuggles up close to Louis, asks quietly, "what happened, Lou?" 

And Louis breathes softly, "this- this new management guy called. He, I mean I'm used to being told things but he was so- so rude and, like. He acted like it was my fault, like, like it was our problem that we were together and- I don't know. Like, Chris-" (their usual management rep)- "at least he always says 'I'm sorry, mate' because he knows its hard. This guy- he just. He wouldn't stop _talking_ and I just got all, like, overwhelmed." 

Harry plays with Louis's hair and whispers, "I'm so sorry." 

And Louis just says, "no, it's okay. You're here."

Harry hums little melodies until Louis is asleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This interviewer is annoying. Not- not like the 'wow you're stupid and these are dumb questions' annoying, like- like the 'you're a rude, ignorant person who isn't good at communicating' kind of annoying. To where Louis is having to reach behind the couch and reach for Harry with his finger, just to touch his shoulder and calm down a bit. 

They're lucky it isn't live. Because then they go and bring up the thing that Louis really honestly just hates.

"So, Harry," the woman's voice is mocking, shrill, "tell me about- Taylor Swift, is it? I believe that's who it is, it's hard to keep track! You go through so many women these days," she smiles and chuckles, like she's talking about something as nonchalant as the weather. 

Louis can see Harry harden, but to everyone else he's still just smiling.

"Um. Ha. Taylor is a really nice girl. She's really talented, and she's friends with Ed Sheeran, so I kind of met her through him. She's lovely."

And Louis wants to kiss Harry on the cheek and tell him good job because that was a good answer.

See, Louis hates this. He would rather the interviewer ask him a thousand prying, difficult questions than them ask Harry one. It's hard to see Harry- his little Harry- answer all these things. Because Harry can't lie. He just doesn't. And he's being sort of forced too, but Harry won't. He works his way around the question, as noticed by a lot of people. But when it comes down to it, management is fine with that. It's either don't give them a direct answer, or answer truthfully ("yeah I'm not actually dating Taylor, my management and hers set it up for publicity and to cover up my actual sexuality), and so management is perfectly fine with Harry just not really answering straightforwardly. 

"But- I mean. How's the relationship? Do you think you'll actually last more than a couple weeks?" 

Louis grits his teeth, he can see Niall squirm and Liam's jaw clench and Zayn look down, and he knows she's crossed a line.

He swallows the lump of anger in his throat.

"Uh, we're just good friends. So," Harry smiles and shrugs, and the lady finally gets the hint.

"So, boys. I've heard a lot of talk about fans meeting you and- I think they're saying sometimes you're too busy to bother with them? Tell me about this."

Liam's pissed, Louis can tell. But he jumps in.

"Uh, no," Liam says, "I think it's pretty rare for us to even not want to interact with them. We love the fans, so much, even the ones who are really overwhelming. Like- they're the reason we're here. So I mean a lot of the time security won't let us talk to fans, and it's upsetting, but we can't do anything about it. And I think maybe just once or twice, ever, have I been in an off mood with a fan. And I think you have to understand, we're people. So it happens, but we love the fans."

Louis nods, as do the other boys.

The interviewer nods, smiles, "Louis. Would you care to talk at all about- lets see, what was it?" She shuffles though her papers, "right. On twitter, you seem to have gotten into it a bit with another popular boy band, The Wanted. It appears like you got a little hostile, more than just banter. What can you say about that?" 

"Uh, I don't really want to talk about it, I mean. It happened, I didn't want it to be more than banter but I stood up for people I needed to, and I don't think I did anything wrong. I don't have anything to say about it."

She presses, "Right. And I think- Max, was it? He made some sort of joke-"

"Yeah, I'm just sort of ignoring it." Louis cuts in. He knows where this is going. And he doesn't want to talk about the sexuality joke. It's wrong. He can't say anything about it.

"Wasn't it- like, he made some sort of comment about the 'it gets better' slogan?"

Louis nods shortly.

"What- do you know what he was referring to?"

"I don't think there's any need to discuss this. It was rude, and he was being mean and it was over the Internet, It wouldn't happen in person. Let's just leave it be."

Louis feels the feeling creep up on him, he tries to push it away. It's been 3 months since the bad attack. He needs to uphold that streak.

He can see Liam's tense face, Harry's annoyance at her questions. 

He tries to touch Harry's shoulder again, but the management rep sitting in the corner gives him a curt shake of his head. Fuck.

The feeling gets worse and all Louis can think is _please not in an interview_ but it's happening, slowly, and soon he feels the panic and the seizing of his throat. Harry's looking over at him, with a worried expression. Louis doesn't want to make Harry concerned. He doesn't want to do this. He can't do this. 

He thinks Zayn notices, who is sitting next to him, and Zayn starts rubbing circles into Louis's arm and then leans in to whisper,

"Breathe, Lou." But it doesn't work, it's not like when Harry whispers for him to breathe. 

All he can think is what if this goes online. What if people realize his attitude towards the situation. The sexuality thing. People will know. That's against his contract. 

"Boys, do you think there's going  
to be-"

Harry is getting up off the couch, Louis is shaking his head at him, to tell him not to do this. 

"I'm sorry- hold on, please."

The management rep is standing up too, thank fuck it's Chris and not the new guy. 

Harry walks over to Chris, says "he's not okay. Lou. Can I just- just a few minutes, please?"

And Chris gives a nod, Harry rushes back over to Louis who stands up immediately, Harry leads him to the hallway of the studio. 

"Harry- fuck, sorry. I was trying so hard. I'm so- shit, I'm sorry. I just." He starts crying, Harry shakes his head, 

"Louis. You're okay. They'll edit it- it's okay. I promise."

"Just- please." Louis kisses him, rough, Harry kisses back harder. He presses Louis against the wall, holds his head in his big palms. Louis sighs, the nerves go away. His head clears almost immediately. 

Chris walks into the hallway, but Louis just pulls Harry closer. Harry puts his first finger up towards Chris, to say 'just wait a second' and Chris turns away politely, lets them go on for another minute. 

Harry pulls away, not because he wants to but because he knows he should. 

"You're okay, Lou." 

Louis nods, looks into Harry's eyes.

Chris faces them, "This whole interview has been shit. It's- it'll be heavily edited. Don't worry, Louis. I'm sorry I can't let you touch him, I know you needed to but- its my job, I can't let you."

Louis nods at him, "it's whatever. I'm- I'm fine." 

Chris nods back, Harry smiles at Louis. 

"See, Lou. It's okay."

Louis wants to thank Harry, endlessly, because he's everything. 

He can't even- he can't even function without him. He's always known that Harry was his soulmate- but not like this. He didn't ever realize he needs Harry more than he needs his own thoughts. 

He traces a nail over one of the swallows- his swallow- on Harry's chest, and he realizes he doesn't need anything as long as he's got this boy right here with him.


End file.
